It hit me like a ton of bricks. Like a candle reaching the end of its wick, my burning fire for God had flickered into a dwindling flame.
Stinging with conviction, I instantly (sinfully) turned on my husband. In an attempt to clear my conscience, I shifted blame on the spiritual leader of the Hunter household. I knew I was wrong, so I tried to convince myself I was right.
Obviously, it wasn’t Mister’s fault.
In a light-sucking whirlwind of visiting discouraging local churches in our quest for a church family closer than our home church, I had been swept by the undercurrent to the world’s river bed. And instead of fighting to reach the sturdy river bank, I allowed myself to be dragged on the rocks, spiritually weary and helpless without the armor of God. Not only was I an hour and a half away from my solid group of godly women in Pittsburgh, but God Himself felt distant and indifferent as I struggled to even open my Bible or listen to a biblical, sound sermon once in a while. The dull fog of apathy was creeping in on my soul, and I let it in.
With my husband’s help and God’s grace, I am slowly emerging from that fog. Even as it still lingers, I can see the clear light of passionate, godly living in the future. In my battle against spiritual apathy, God revealed to me the three-pronged cure against this stealthy disease.
Daily reading of God’s word and godly words
I had skipped reading my Bible and devotional/theological books for several days. These days added into a couple weeks of not wearing my spiritual armor. During this time, the enemy shot his arrows, pushed me down, laughed at my distress, and watched in glee as I caved into his games and spiraled into apathy.
Once God had shown me the dry, cracked soil of my soul, He stirred me to read His word, to plead with my husband to keep me accountable. I forced myself to follow through with beginning a college Bible study with fellow Christians. I try to listen with Mister to Shai Linne and other biblical rappers, who preach God’s word lyrically.
I’m still struggling with this apathy, but, by God’s grace, He will restore me and renew my passion for His truth. And the best way to jump start that desire is to readHis truth. No matter what. Even if I have to force myself, I must.
What better way to remind myself of His glory and renew my passion for worshiping Him than to pair my Bible reading with prayer? Conversations with my heavenly Maker, my loving Savior, my glorious Captain, the holy Hound that seeks out my sin… how could I resist Him? How could I tire of it?
My sinful self somehow found a way to resist, to tire, but by praying often and sincerely, I will draw closer to Him again. He will water my soul and will assure me of His hold on me. Even if it’s short prayers with small words and big emotions, these conversations with Him are better than none.
Fellowship with His People
My withered soul had long been without true Christian fellowship. True, we went to church and we “hung out” with other Christians, but my life was void of the fellowship found in Bible studies, home churches, and general Sundays with true, biblical believers. I felt like an island. Yes, my husband provided some fellowship, but, just like godly men need the sharpening of other godly men, godly women need the sharpening of other godly women. And I had none in our new home town.
So when we found a church full of members who sought only a biblical preacher, my soul was refreshed. When we met the eager young Christian students at our first Bible study meeting, my soul was encouraged. When we made arrangements to attend a Friday night small group, my soul was lifted. When I was invited to a ladies’ get together, my soul was reminded that I belonged to the family of God.
There is no such thing as “Lone Ranger” Christianity. Fellowship with God’s people gives believers the opportunity to praise God together, to speak of His glory, grace, and majesty together, to encourage one another in spiritual battles, to hold one another accountable when sin is witnessed. Even if it’s a ladies’ night at a coffee shop or lunch after church with fellow believers to start, I will strive to meet with my spiritual family and trust that God will use them and our conversations to fan the flame.
Pray for me as I continue to push myself to read the Bible, pray consistently, and fellowship with other Christians. Pray for me to rely on His grace instead of my capabilities or good words. Pray that my spiritual passion will be renewed.