What would sanctification be without situations that taught us how to apply what we learn?
I pray for contentment; I pray that God will help me phileo my husband; so God takes my husband’s job away.
Yes, I’m still working. But we had plans, you see. We had put in offers for a quaint little house. We were going to start a family. We were going to get a dog (a seriously adorable one).
And then Mister’s company rolled another wave of lay-offs.
My heart did two things:
- It broke for my husband. I had to cradle him as he thought he failed me and God.
- It burned with bitterness. I was furious at his old company. I was furious at the economy. I was furious at the people responsible for ruining the economy. I was furious that I didn’t have a credit card. I was furious at God for breaking my husband.
Thankfully, the Lord rushed to the forefront the things I had been learning of contentment.
I held my husband and told him (and myself) that God knew this would happen. I joked that we had been praying for a new job opportunity, anyway. And, by God’s grace, I somehow quieted my soul.
I am not perfect. I have not mastered this. I still feel a quiver of doubt. My soul still trips over the bunched carpet of “but what if”. My heart still sinks when it realizes we’ll still be renting and the dog I had my hopes set on will still be at the shelter and not in my arms.
But He is reminding me daily that this is for the better. God has plans. He knew, before the world began, that this would happen. And he knew how we would react. And because He knew, and because He is good, He tells us to cast our cares upon Him.
So here I am. I’m casting.
It’s really hard, by the way. It’s hard when you want to be a mom but you’re the only one with an income.
It’s hard when you really wanted that fluffy mass of canine (one of God’s greatest gifts of friendly companionship, in my opinion) and you have to put him on the back-burner.
It’s hard when you have a lease ending in March and had all the necessities lined up to buy a cute little house from 1908 with updated everything and a nice, big yard.
It’s hard when you see your husband go from a job he hated to no job at all. And even though he hated that job, at least he had one.
But it gets easier when blessings arise from the ashes. When events that seem to have been waiting for Mister to be laid off in order to happen actually happen.
And so I see that God is orchestrating. It excites me. It gives me hope. It forces me to throw myself on God because obviously, I’m not the composer, the conductor, or the tuner, and I, the instrument, am nothing without Him.