When It Doesn’t Make Sense

I have something to confess, you guys.

Today, due to a series of unfortunate events, I tearfully– scratch that. I angrily glared at the ceiling and bawled, “Whyyyy?!”

My head knew that God was in control. That he had a reason for the 164 page manual that zapped into cyberspace, never to be found again. He had a reason that today I would drown my work computer with coffee and lose all keyboard functionality. I knew in my mind that he knew.

But I still kicked and howled like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

The Lord checked me, as He always does His children, but why did I react like that?

I like to think God was testing out what I learned in Trusting God. Hm. I might have failed that one. Instead of rolling with the punches, I literally sobbed for about an hour as I frantically tried to find the lost document somewhere in my files. As I pried my keys out with a butter knife and swabbed the coffee out. And then, when I ran out of tears, I gave up. Even then, I was still bitter.

And what exactly was I mad at? The inanimate object that I accidentally commanded to replace my manual? The coffee that I had spilled? I really should have been mad at myself. But no. I was mad at God. He was in control. He lost my hard work. He destroyed my laptop. How on earth would this help me grow?

Well, it was was supposed to help me learn self-control over my anger. But I was too selfish and childish to see that.

He definitely taught me a lesson. He showed me how fragile, how feeble, how fickle my human heart is. Prayers would be appreciated.

I told you this was going to be my journal for this “trust” journey for this Bible study……….. so get out while you can!


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