Despite having God’s immeasurable grace demonstrated to me every day, there days that I get distracted or blinded by the law.
Let me put it in simpler terms. Instead of accepting God’s forgiveness and His all-cleansing grace as sufficient, I insist that there has to be something I can do to make it better — to make me better.
Lately, I’ve been doing exactly that. I have a temper that moves at the speed of light and a tongue that cuts sharper and deeper than any of the awesome kitchen knives my mom gave me as a wedding gift. And the one person I flail against the most is my husband. I don’t even have to be mad at him. He’s just there. A ready victim.
Unfortunately, most of the things I get upset about are really stupid. No. Really, super stupid. Poor husband. I keep thinking of Proverbs 21:19:
It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.
And Proverbs 21:9:
It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
And the second half of Proverbs 19:13:
A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit shames me almost immediately after my outbursts. And I think to myself, “You’d think by now I’d be able to stop myself before it happens!” And really, the fact that I’m trying to make myself recognize oncoming, sinful outbursts sooner, or that I’m thinking I’ll catch on eventually is backwards motion in my Christian walk. Because, truthfully, I should be praying for protection and defense against my sinful tendencies every day instead of pumping myself up to be better tomorrow.
Under the law, before I was saved, I saw God’s commandments, I saw His demand to follow it perfectly, and I tried, and, inevitably, I failed. I’m the furthest from obedient or submissive or perfect you can get. I’ll be the first to justify my anger and the loudest protestor for my ego. Without Christ, with just the law, I am doomed for hell.
After God revealed His grace to me, saved me, and washed me with Christ’s perfect righteousness, I no longer needed to obey the law perfectly. I’m definitely not touting antinomialism here. The law is still in place, it is still something we work for. But now, instead of being condemned at the first failure, we are credited with Christ’s perfect obedience in our place. It has become my sanctification instead of my condemnation.
And for some reason, this is a concept I really struggle with. Not because I don’t believe it, but because my sinful nature doesn’t like the vulnerability of not being able to do-it-myself. Which reminds me, I should read Charles Spurgeon’s All of Grace.
Hopefully I’m making sense here…
If you could, pray for me as I stumble along — that I will start on my knees when I am blindsided by sin instead of claiming I’ll do better next time.