This wife thing is hard.

I mean, it’s really just like the Christian walk. When I feel like I’m doing alright, God throws me a curve ball just to prove I’m not. Then I realize that, all along, instead of eating the steak set before me, I reverted back to my natural, pig-like ways and ate the sinful slop. That slop, God transformed me to desire something different! He transformed me into a woman after His own heart, to eat the spiritual steak and drink the spiritual drink. But every now and then, I get a hankering for that slop. I forget who I am and remember who I was. And then comes the horrible spiritual vomit-fest. The Spirit convicts me, reminds me of who I am, points out to me what I’m eating, and I’m left with, “What on earth, what is this, why am I doing this?!?!” I fall on my face, I repent, my blessed Savior forgives me, and I’m filled with His peace.

And then it cycles again, inevitably.

Really, it makes me feel like a horrible Christian. I mean, you’d think I’d learn by now! Do I even deserve this? But that’s where grace comes in. “The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair!”

And now I’m responsible of the sanctification of one more human. My husband. All you moms are thinking, “HA. Wait until you have multiple souls to sanctify.”

Well. For now I have one. And I’m dropping the ball already.

I think it’s because I started basing my wifeyhood status on my good wifey deeds. What a joke.

The past couple of days have been a series of Slop and Vomit. My poor husband.

A verse close to my heart right now:ย  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9.

“Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge.” Psalm 16:1

So, if you could keep me in your prayers as I seek to become less of a hindrance to his walk and more of a help, even in the little things.


3 thoughts on “Helpmeet

  1. This is quite the cryptic post. Your “About Me” is also very cryptic. It’s hard for me to understand what terrible things you’re doing and to agree with you that you’re doing terrible things. I’m not saying you should be clearer; I’m saying I generally think as I’m reading these posts that whatever you’re doing can’t be that bad. At. All. And that you’re probably a pretty cool and awesome person who’s being really tough on yourself for some reason.

    In short, I hope you find happiness just like the rest of us are trying to do. It’ll be neat to follow along through your blog. Hope to read about you finding true happiness someday. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I should probably emphasize more that I am a happy and content person. But I also want to emphasize that I am who I am today because God saved me from who I was. Yeah, I’m not the most wanted criminal, but I am a selfish person. I’m also angry sometimes. I lack self-control in both anger and food. And while these things might not be a big deal to most, it’s a big deal to me. God saved me from these sins, but I still go back to them! I guess the main reason I’m “hard on myself” is because I want to live by these verses:

      Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

      1 Corinthians 9:24-27

      No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier. Also if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not win the prize unless he competes according to the rules.

      2 Timothy 2:4-5

      And thank you, I will find true happiness… when I stand before my Savior in heaven along with my fellow believers!

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