This wife thing is hard.
I mean, it’s really just like the Christian walk. When I feel like I’m doing alright, God throws me a curve ball just to prove I’m not. Then I realize that, all along, instead of eating the steak set before me, I reverted back to my natural, pig-like ways and ate the sinful slop. That slop, God transformed me to desire something different! He transformed me into a woman after His own heart, to eat the spiritual steak and drink the spiritual drink. But every now and then, I get a hankering for that slop. I forget who I am and remember who I was. And then comes the horrible spiritual vomit-fest. The Spirit convicts me, reminds me of who I am, points out to me what I’m eating, and I’m left with, “What on earth, what is this, why am I doing this?!?!” I fall on my face, I repent, my blessed Savior forgives me, and I’m filled with His peace.
And then it cycles again, inevitably.
Really, it makes me feel like a horrible Christian. I mean, you’d think I’d learn by now! Do I even deserve this? But that’s where grace comes in. “The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair!”
And now I’m responsible of the sanctification of one more human. My husband. All you moms are thinking, “HA. Wait until you have multiple souls to sanctify.”
Well. For now I have one. And I’m dropping the ball already.
I think it’s because I started basing my wifeyhood status on my good wifey deeds. What a joke.
The past couple of days have been a series of Slop and Vomit. My poor husband.
A verse close to my heart right now: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9.
“Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge.” Psalm 16:1
So, if you could keep me in your prayers as I seek to become less of a hindrance to his walk and more of a help, even in the little things.